Ya, Terminé! I'm Finished!

It's only the minimum, but I finally finished reading the very last book for my discipleship class at Fraternidad Cristiana Amor a Quisqueya!!  We still have about a month left of classes to attend, but yesterday evening I polished off the very last book.  Discipleship class at my church here is a 10 month commitment-- we meet every Saturday evening from 5-7 and receive great teaching from our pastor, Popín.  Within the first 10 weeks of class we are required to read the entire Bible, starting in Matthew and ending with Malachi.  The rest of our 'spare' time is spent reading a minimum of 12 assigned books the pastor has read and picked out for us.  Then we write reports on each one.  For the most part, I really liked his selection, though I was realizing the other day that every single book was written by a man.  I don't believe this was intentional, just interesting. The principles of discipleship aren't sex-related, though I do enjoy hearing a woman's perspective, too.

Anyway, here is a list of the books I had to read and I put an asterisk next to my faves:

1. Causa de una Tirania (this is a book in Spanish about the Dominican dictator Trujillo)
2. Stop Flirting with the Church and Fall in Love with the Family of God-- Joshua Harris
3. A Tale of Three Kings-- Gene Edwards
4. El Martir de Las Catacumbas (only available in Spanish and the author didn't have his name on the book)
5. The Heavenly Man-- Brother Yun *
6. Spiritual Warfare-- Dean Sherman *
7. El Clamor en el Barrio-- Freddie García
8. Not Even a Hint-- Joshua Harris
9. Fear of the Lord-- John Bevere *
10. Undercover-- John Bevere *
11. The Prayer of Jesus-- (can't remember the author's name, but it was my least favorite)
12. The Twelve Transgressions-- Sergio Scataglini *

After reading all these books and taking this class, the overall resounding theme is: I am not my own.  It has been both hard and good to have the Light shine on weak and sinful areas of my character these last 10 months. It has been both frustrating and a relief to know that these areas do not just 'go away' and that I will continually have to go to the Cross with them.  I both hated and loved acknowledging that I, truly, can't do life on my own-- I literally need the Spirit of God to transform me and enable me to do the things my flesh doesn't want to do.  I have discovered just how much I cling to 'religion' (doing godly things without God-- spirit of independence) and reject 'relationship' (humble surrendering to the One who can actually do godly things because He IS God).  Sanctification is a fiery process that I both desire and want to run from.  But as Paul exhorts in 1 Thessalonians 5:19: "Do not put out the Spirit's fire;"  and 4 verses later, "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." !!!!

I am so thankful for God's faithfulness to us, the promise that he will do it as we continue to believe in and walk in Christ.  I can't make myself blameless, I can't be perfect, but Christ in me, the hope of glory, CAN and WANTS to as long as I keep myself yoked to Him with a broken and contrite spirit, desiring communion.

Being a disciple is being broken at the feet of Jesus.

Things that make you laugh AFTER the fact

"I have two letters for you: D...R..."

This comment made by my boss a while back was immediately followed by an eruption of laughter.  The laughter erupted from us Americans.  This comment has since become our signature statement whenever something transpires here in the DR-- things that make you go 'hmmm'.  

I had one of those somethings happen just yesterday.

After a 3-day staff retreat where God just blew us open, I dragged my very tired body to work in the morning.  Francisco I don't think even made it out of bed because his bright face never showed up.  Anyway, after sitting there at the school for a bit, I promptly fell asleep.  This never happens to me.  Never.  I can't even fall asleep on airplanes-- and often it takes hours for me to pass out in my own bed!  I was that wiped out.  I somehow jerked myself awake in time to greet a student who dropped by to show me some drawings she had been doing.  After she left, I felt the call of the sandman lulling me back to sleep and I thought-- NO! I must be productive!  I decided it would be a good time to go make photocopies I had put off for too long.  So, I gathered all the materials, locked up the school, hopped in my jeep and drove around town in circles for a good 15 minutes.  The town was packed and there was nowhere to park.  Nowhere.  At this point I had developed a good sized headache and decided it might be best if I just went home and finished sleeping.  On the way, I saw a little photocopy shop I'd never seen before and THERE WAS PARKING OUT FRONT!  I grabbed my books, other sheets of paper and my purse and sauntered into the little store.  The minute I walked in, the girl from behind the counter asked me what I needed.  I said I needed her to photocopy some stuff for me.  *This is one of the reasons I put off getting copies for so long-- you can't just do it yourself and the majority of the time your copies come out looking terrible (not good for an art school)*

She just looked at me and said, "You have to go to the other photocopy place.  We don't have any paper."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

This wasn't so funny at the time.

I just smiled and thought, "Of course you don't have paper.  What was I thinking?"

Instead of driving circles around town again in search of a copy shop who actually HAS paper, I decided to stick with the original plan and just go home and sleep.

I have two letters for you...

2- Second Encounter

This afternoon on my walk to work, I passed two light- blue and tan uniformed high school girls giggling and gossiping with eachother.  A normal sight.  However when they reached the corner, one of them looked into our yard, ritually crossed herself, kissed her fingers and just kept walking.  I had an inner chuckle thinking about when I was in high school and my friend Kelly would interrupt a conversation to kiss her fingers and touch the roof of her car every time we went through a yellow light on the drive to school or passed a cemetery.  

As I continued my stroll in the spring heat, I pondered this young girl's action, wondering how religious or devoted she really was.  Obviously she was brought up Catholic and had been taught these little rituals of reverence (oh, by the way, we have a shrine to the Virgin Mary in our front yard-- well, the owners do).  Then one of the military guards who sits in front of a rich person's house with a rifle asked me why I was walking on such a hot day.  I smiled, telling him I liked the sun and then I forgot all about the girl.  She came back to mind, however, on my trek back home.  In my mind I started having an imaginary conversation with her.  I asked her why she crossed herself and kissed her fingers.  Her imaginary self told me that she was blessing the Virgin Mary and God and recognizing that a shrine was a place of holiness.  I nodded to her and then shared with her the Scripture about when we believe in Christ, our bodies become temples of the Holy Spirit, so just imagine crossing yourself and kissing your fingers all day long because YOU are that holy place where He dwells!  That's when I gasped.  All of a sudden I had an instant revelation of how much I do not reverence the Holy Spirit who lives inside of me.  I can go a whole day complaining, daydreaming, thinking about Him, asking Him to bless my food, etc, but how often do I take time to stop and recognize His holiness within me? Ew.  I felt like both Peter and Isaiah when, in the presence of holiness, exploded with "I'm not worthy! I'm unclean!" sentiments.  For a split second I was taken into heaven before the throne where all the angels cry 'HOLY!' and the elders throw their crowns.  Powerful.

I often make my living relationship with the Living God a common thing.  I take for granted that I am saved by grace through faith and that I have eternal life.  I often forget that I have the only holy presence that exists inhabiting this earthly frame.  That is His mercy.

I am not sharing this because I feel condemned.  I am sharing this because I was awesomely humbled and, today, fell in love with Him just one more time.

What may have been a mindless ritual, God used to awaken this sleeping bride.

MMMMM

Yep. First cup back was awesome.
But Jesus is more awesome.

Sobering Up

I'm fasting from coffee. I'm not gonna lie, it really sucks.  Don't get me wrong, when God asks me to fast from something I get filled with this tangible expectation of Him doing something wonderful because of it.  But coffee?? I'm not a pot-a-day drinker like some people I know.  I just like to have a tall, piping hot cup in the morning while I have my devotional time with God. Sometimes I like a little 'pick-me-up' in the afternoon, too.  So, when God nudged me to get off coffee for a while I didn't think it would be too big of a deal.

It's a big deal.

The first few days were the worst, physically, as I endured migraine-level headaches that no amount of medicine could take away.  After that passed, it was the struggle of wanting something warm and creamy instead of something hot and watery (tea).  After a couple weeks of tea drinkin', I just gave up having a morning beverage, except for the occasional hot chocolate (which isn't too exciting if you use Dominican Cocoa).  The physical cravings for it have ceased.  The emotional cravings persist.  I find myself being envious in the mornings when my roommates are happily sipping away on their joe.  And last night at Bible Study, I had to control the urge to knock a cup of coffee out of Ruth's hand.  I don't even drink coffee at night!  What is the issue?  As I've shared with several people that I'm fasting coffee, I've had intense reactions from other coffee drinkers that (1) help me not feel so alone and (2) scare the **** out of me.  One friend even said that Jesus asking one to fast coffee is like having Jesus ask you to drain all the blood out of your body.

Everyday, I tell God that I hope he's going to use this time for incredible breakthrough in my life.  It's a two month fast that, ironically (?) ends on Easter Sunday.  And, no, I'm not doing it for Lent-- I started it before I even remembered about Lent-- but I like the idea of Lent.

Have I noticed a change in my intimacy with God because of this fast?  Actually, yes, though I didn't make the connection until now.  I have become much more whiny, much more desperate, and much more dependent.  I have also become much more sensitive to the Spirit and stronger in my walk with Him.  Taking away something that I depended on to help me enter into my day has caused me to become more in touch with my fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, insecurities and longings.  I still long for that coping element, that numbing element, that soothing element that I can control and take whenever I want, but I feel the trade-off is worth it.  I want coffee to be something I can enjoy with God, not something I need to get through my day.  I don't want coffee to become the substitute to God's very real presence in my life.   I am looking forward to April 13th, when I can have my first cup of coffee, but I have a feeling that the lust will have gone out of it for me and that is a blessing.

A Step in the Right Direction

Today my good friend Arlene invited me to come over and make stepping stones with her.  Though I've stepped on my fair share of these garden adornments, I've never actually made one.  Arlene, being her awesome self, went around town and bought some gravel, some sand, some cement, and some diesel fuel (to line our containers so that the cement mix wouldn't stick).  We proportioned out the ingredients and hand mixed our own 'stuff', including a bit of blue dye to make the stones a little better looking.  Arlene sawed off the ends of a plastic bucket to use for our molds-- we hope they turn out okay.  These 'stones' will become a pathway leading up to our new social work site in Los Higos that Arlene leads.  The feet of women and youth on their way to knitting class or sewing class will pass over these little pieces of art.  Mine says: I am the Way.  Here are some photos:

When it 'Works'

Door to door evangelism.
Usually this makes one think of Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons or an evangelical Christian technique that is antiquated and totally doesn't work. That's what I've always thought, too. When it was announced in church two Sundays ago that the whole of the Dominican Republic was going to be canvassed by evangelical (not Catholic) Christians going door to door and that our church was going to participate, my head was immediately filled with cynical thoughts. I also felt relief, knowing that it was optional and that my Spanish wasn't really good enough to make me be an effective witness anyway. And then the Pastor announced that everyone taking discipleship class would be required to participate. Uh, that means me. But, surely he won't send out the Americans! I thought, aghast. But then a little voice in the back of my head gently reminded me that (1) I'm a missionary and this is why I came here and (2) I've been speaking to people in Spanish for well over a year now and surely I would be able to get a simple message about Jesus out. Ugh. Don't these people KNOW that door to door evangelism puts people off and pushes them farther away from wanting to ever hear about the love of Jesus? Regardless of my arrogant 'expertise', I prayed, nonetheless, that God would prepare my heart to go do this thing. Oddly, as the date drew closer, I became more and more excited about going out to do it.
When all of us gathered together on Saturday afternoon at the church, it was announced that we were to split into groups of 3-- a guy with 2 girls. Thankfully a young Columbian girl I knew latched her arm into mine and picked which guy we could go with. As we set out, I made sure to let them both know that my Spanish wasn't good enough to communicate the Gospel, but they weren't having it. At the first house, we were immediately invited in to sit down and were served coffee Dominican style-- very strong with loads of sugar. We quickly discovered that they were already Christians and I was relieved. We offered to pray for the husband who had a bandage on his leg. We prayed blessing over the house and the family. We went on to the next house. Again, we were immediately welcomed in. The three of us sat down with a young mother. Laura, the Columbian girl, started to share with her about the Gospel, but having never done it before, was quite nervous and kept leaving out major details. When I looked to Angelo to hopefully take over and explain things, he just looked at me sheepishly. That's when something shifted in me. I just looked at this woman and without hesitation told her the whole story of Adam and Eve, about sin and what it means, about the debt we owe to God for our sin and how Jesus came to pay that debt for us by giving His own life on the Cross. I told her what it meant to believe in Jesus, what it would mean for her to be able to live eternally with God because of what Jesus did for her. All of this flowed out of me in perfect Spanish. And then she accepted Jesus to be her Savior and Lord.
God does not like to be put in a box. Before going out, I had limited Him in my own mind. It hadn't really occurred to me that door to door evangelism in a country that LOVES it when people drop by to visit, woud be a very effective way to share the Gospel here. As well, I had limited His power by believing He couldn't use me just because I don't speak fluent Spanish. I was so humbled, but so overflowing with joy that I could have gone door to door all night. We actually did go to several more homes and were able to pray for many people. I was again reminded why I love being a missionary, why I continue to go out to different countries: Jesus loves people and He shows up when we go to love them in His Name. If you want intimacy with Jesus, go love on a poor person, a broken-hearted person, a really down and out person, because that's where He loves to be. And healing occurs. Relationships are healed. Real transformation, the kind that only God can bring, takes place. It is exciting to see Heaven come to Earth.
God put me in my place, and I loved it.