Charles Clinton Parsons

He's the reason I haven't blogged since July.
Technically, that's a lie, but I blame it on him because a new relationship can be all-consuming. Or rather, since most of what I have been processing since July has been related to Sir Parsons, I have chosen to not blog in order to process things with him. It has been a wise choice. I've opened my heart to him, he's opened his heart to me and we've decided that we mutually adore each others' hearts enough to keep adoring them until 'death do we part'.

Clint and I 'met' online.
It's all the rage you know.
Prior to signing up for a dating website, I had scoffed at them. That is until I started meeting the awesome people close friends and family members of mine had met and started dating online. I fought the act of submitting a profile for a long time, wanting to hold out for that supernatural fairy-tale story of meeting my husband on a bumped flight or reaching for the same book at a hole- in- the- wall bookshop thousands of miles from home. I waited a long time for something super cool and movie-like to happen. Then I hit my thirties and I was over it.
After reading the story of how Abraham's servant 'found' Rebekah for his master's son, Isaac, God loudly pointed out the obvious: "Amy, she was out in the open. She was on her way to water camels. She wasn't sitting in her room pining and waiting. You have to be 'out there'. The guy needs to be able to see you and know you're there!"
Made sense.
So, I put myself 'out there'. Being a missionary in a foreign country where few single eligible men in my age group dared to venture made it difficult to meet someone. Living in a tiny coastal California town and being the only single Christian woman in my age range made it difficult to meet someone. I even moved to Denver, a city where I knew my prospects would grow exponentially. And then I couldn't find a church where I connected. Until the very end of my time there. Until I had already 'met' Clint online.
So, Charles Clinton Parsons.
His profile picture on the website is what immediately caught my attention. He was making an 'Amy face' (wide-eyed, mouth in the shape of an 'o', eyebrows looking surprised). Plus, he was cute. Plus, his profile wasn't a literary paint-by-number which the majority of guys' profiles are. I had decided early on that I wasn't going to contact any of the men on there. I would let them pursue me. After deleting a couple of emails from some guys in foreign countries looking for a green card, I saw Clint's email. By some of the questions he asked, it was obvious he had actually read my profile, so I wrote him back. Then he wrote me back, etc until after several times we decided to video chat. I purposely made my hair messy and put my glasses on so that he could see the 'real me'. According to him, I was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, and so began our odd, but God-directed journey together.
Clint is 38, is from Stickleyville, Virginia (in the western-most county of VA that butts up against Tennessee), has a bachelor's degree in Youth Ministry and has the most golden heart of any man I've ever met. He's my height, still has most of his hair, has gorgeous green/hazel eyes and nice straight teeth. He's intelligent, is well-written and has a great sense of humor that I completely don't find funny. But other people do, so it's okay. He's never been married and has no kiddos. He loves his family. He is totally servant-hearted. He has a deep, abiding passion for Jesus and wants everyone to know the freedom that is available through Him. He's never been out of the country and I can't wait to take him somewhere. He plays bass, guitar, clarinet, tuba... I think there are more, but I can't remember. He is super handy and can fix just about anything. He loves me like Jesus does and it continually blows my mind. He had been planning on moving to Denver to attend seminary there, which is another reason he contacted me. So, he moved out to Denver from Virginia early August. I was in Cambria for my brother's wedding while while he was driving out to Denver. Our first meeting was at the airport when he came to pick me up. He showed up with a huge bouquet of flowers in all my favorite colors. I sort of gave him the cold shoulder. I was being very guarded. That lasted about a day and a half and then my heart couldn't hold back anymore. He was too wonderful.
Clint and I both had planned on being in Denver for a while. However, circumstances for me changed when I was given 3 weeks to find a new place to live. He also, after touring Denver Seminary, decided he actually didn't want to go. And then he was told he had to move out of the place he was staying due to issues going on with the family he was staying with. I wasn't able to find a place and neither was he, so we decided to come out to Cambria. It was a quick decision, but we both knew God was pushing us out here. It's been rough ever since. Clint has been sleeping on couches, in laundry rooms, on floors for the last 4 months. It took him 2 months to find steady work. I have been working part time and going through my second grueling semester of art school. We have been battling everything from our pasts, from our present, from the enemy, from ourselves. It has been a relationship forged in fire. How could I not love a man who would continue to stand through it all?
Clint has been my support, my emotional punching bag, my best friend, my enemy, my brother, my father, my boyfriend. He is everything God ever promised me in a mate and so much more than I ever even knew to ask for. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, discovering more of Jesus together.
And, I can't wait for him to meet all of you!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

So, my car was broken into night before last. Whoever did it completely busted my driver's side window, ripped apart my console, stole my stereo and my entire CD collection. Thank goodness I did not have any thing else of 'value' in the car. After fretting for a bit, I knew I needed to pray and ask my Father to help me restore those things, inexpensively. I saw that damage as I was walking to work, so I had little time to really deal with the issue since I had to work a full day. I filed a police report, called my insurance company (only to find I don't have the coverage that would cover the loss) and had my roommate drop me off at work. I was definitely stirred up. As I stressed over the thought of having to figure out where I was going to get the best deal on auto glass and installation, one of my co-workers suggested calling a salvage yard. I called my roommate and asked if she would do that for me since I was working. Half and hour later she called me back letting me know that she found a yard that had a window for me. I could pull it myself for $35 or have them do it for $50. I don't make/have a lot of money and $15 right now is more than I can just throw around. I pondered what I might do as I washed dishes and it occurred to me to ask my friend Jeff who was sitting in the coffeeshop doing some work on his computer. I ran out there, let him know what had happened and asked if he had any clue how or any willingness to extract a window from a vehicle. He said he could probably do it and would be happy to help me the next day (today).
Jeff not only spent almost two hours trying to get this window out of the junked car, but then offered to install it into mine! He spent his entire morning and afternoon in the hot sun laboring on my behalf and all he wanted as payment was a ride to the grocery store.
In all, I spent $35 for a new window and the owner of the salvage yard threw in a new console for free!
When God challenges us to ask-- of Him and of others-- we can expect that when we do, we will receive.

Coffee Shop

All this week thoughts of blogging have been flitting through my brain. What to blog about? Why do I even still keep a blog? I think it's because I love to write and every so often a moment has a multi-dimensional, vibrant quality to it that causes me to want to capture it, look at it from different angles and make it completely my own. I haven't had too many of those moments lately. Unless you count the few seconds interval on my walk to the gym the other day where I passed a woman's black pleather belt which looked as though it had been used as a weapon the night before and then passed by a men's once-white crew sock limpily hanging off the curb, looking very much like the victim of belt war tactics. I chuckled and then sighed to myself seeing these two elements as symbolic representations of some broken male-female relating. I quickly concluded that it wouldn't make a very interesting blog article on its own, but I just had to stick it in one anyway.
This morning I awoke with a strong desire to sit in a random coffee shop and blog. I had a Groupon (coolest thing EVER-- every morning I get a coupon emailed to me for some kind of service offered at a crazy discount price) for an oil change on my car and needed to take it in. I just dropped off my car and started walking toward the King Soopers shopping center out this way, having been told by the car place guy that he thought there might be an Einstein Bagels in that general area. Halfway there, I glimpsed a sign 'COFFEE SHOP'. Random coffee shop. Way better.
So, I'm sitting here, drinking an iced coffee, listening to Roy Orbison on the radio and just writing because it feels good. I still love my new church-- starting our first single women's small group tomorrow night. I love being in on the ground floor of things. And, I just need to meet more regularly with people who are trying to know more and more what it means to love and be loved by Jesus in America. I am keen to know how these girls see their faith, how they choose to live it out in the world around them. I crave to hear their personal struggles, to listen as they share what Scriptures they might hold onto when they feel lost. My soul just needs to know: how real IS Jesus in the lives of people around me who claim to know Him?
I have realized that I am desperate to hear these faith confessions because I feel like my own walk of faith has taken on a completely new life, that sometimes feels like death. I was reading in Matthew the other morning, 'You are the salt of the earth; but if salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned?' Ugh. I used to feel so dang salty. To be honest, I used to be a total spice cabinet. Today I am just begging God to not let me become completely flavorless. It freaks me out that I'm questioning things I once wholeheartedly knew-- and not out of cynicism, either. Not even out of doubt. More out of: how in the world did I go from being an MVP to one standing in line outside the park staring at the corn dog seller? How did I go from seeing the Kingdom of God all around me to being one who listens to others talking about it? I can imagine the Israelites during the 3 and a half year drought during Ahab's reign commenting to each other: 'Remember the rain? Remember how when it rained it would cool down for a while and then get insanely hot right after? Remember when we could go down to the brook and stick our feet in the water?' I feel like I'm having to constantly remind myself: remember when you used to pray for people and they would be set free? remember that time in Indonesia when... remember that time in Nigeria when...
But then Elijah prayed and the deluge came. "Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.' James 5:17,18
Keep praying for rain, Amy. It will come again.

The Pearl

I've been here in Denver 6 months. And, for those of you who follow this know that I still do not have a church home and it has been quite the excruciating challenge for me. While some people might welcome the opportunity to NOT have to commit somewhere for a while, I have suffered from spiritual dryness unlike ever before due to a lack of regular hanging out with people who love Jesus as much as me. I have wrestled day and night over this for quite a while now, torn between the things I would have to give up if I should commit to one church or another.
Today I reluctantly tried yet another church. I saw it advertised on facebook. The last time I paid attention to something advertised on facebook ended up with me at a Matisyahu concert that blew my mind, so this church had some potential. Facebook has also suggested I become an Ultrasound Technician. How do they know about my obsession with babies?? Anyway, my roommate and I drove the 20 minutes to this brand new church that meets in the Marriot convention center.
I loved it. The pastor's wife has written songs for Hillsong and has performed with Darlene what's-her-face, so needless to say, the worship was astounding-- and not because of the sound quality. Basically, she knows how to lead people into worship. It was the first time in a LONG time I didn't feel like we were all just standing around singing songs. We were worshipping. The message was great, straight out of Colossians. The pastor mentioned that even though they are only a 7 month old church, they are planning on doing a mission trip sometime this year. As a church plant, they support other church plants. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. I talked with the pastor right after service and we just 'got' each other. They are starting up small groups for next month and he was SO excited that I want to be a part of that. He invited me to join them for lunch next Sunday so they can all get to know me.
I am almost too afraid to get too excited about this, but I must say that I felt 'home' from the minute I walked in until the end. I cannot wait for next week and to start getting involved. Ojalá. Vamos a ver. Dios es bueno.

check out www.thepearlchurch.org

Heavenly Remnants that Remind

My camera was stolen recently, so I cannot convey in pictures the subject of my gratitude and heightened inspiration lately: Denver skies at dusk casting surreal light on corners of all conceivable places.
Thank you Father of Lights for not forgetting anything.

Effective. Fervent. Avails.

A couple of days ago I got to visit, in person, with a friend I made two years ago while I was working in the Dominican Republic. He and a buddy of his came down for a month or so right after graduating from med school and just before beginning their residencies. They interned with Students International during our Spring Team season and were incredibly refreshing company for both my roommate Amy and I. I was really sad when they left, but managed to keep in touch with one of them, Ryan, via facebook over the last couple of years. Ryan was just in Denver for 24 hours and squeezed me into his schedule and for this I am incredibly thankful. We wasted no time in catching up and just generally talked non-stop for the two hours we had. He joined the Navy just out of med school and is now working for the Marines as a doctor. He used military language that I am unfamiliar with, but basically he is over an 850 person corps. He is stationed in Okinawa, spent time in Korea and is about to head over to Afghanistan for 7 months before returning to Japan. Among the many exciting and wonderful things we talked about, I asked him what books he was reading. His response was: INSIDE THE REVOLUTION by Joel Rosenburg. I hadn't heard of it. Ryan explained it well, but I'm not going to try and give a summary on a book I haven't read, so here's one I copied off the author's website (www.joelrosenburg.com):

INSIDE THE REVOLUTION
Inside the Revolution takes you inside the winner-take-all battle for the hearts, minds and souls of the people of the Middle East. It includes never-before-seen profiles of the Radicals, the Reformers, and the Revivalists. It explains the implications of each movement and the importance of each leader – not only through the lenses of politics and economics but through the third lens of Scripture as well. Today, wars and revolutions define the modern Middle East, and many believe the worst is yet to come.

The one thing Ryan shared was how Rosenburg addresses very strongly that the war in the Middle East is not only a political war, it's a spiritual war-- a war that was started way back when Ishmael was born to Abraham. Although most Jews and Muslims understand this, and some Christians understand it, it re-ignited the understanding within me when I heard Ryan recount, "The problem is that America is going in to fight a battle, but it's the wrong battle. The Muslims know what the battle is really about." Wow. That shook me for some reason. It shook me because I know in my core that it's true. Unless we are dealing with the true Enemy, we fight in vain. Lives are lost for no purpose. Time, money, power... all of these are wasted in the process of trying to eradicate a physical enemy and trying to bring political reform to a spiritual issue. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. " Ephesians 6:12 As Ryan talked, I felt my spiritual eyes open up and I was able to see all of our troops as spiritual workers and I felt a surge to really be praying at a deeper, yet higher level. My prayer for Ryan, and this is what I spoke to him, is that his spiritual eyes would be opened while he is over in Afghanistan and that God would train him in how to stand and advance within the spiritual battle that is raging over there.

I get so overwhelmed sometimes by all of the prayer needs out there and easily lose my fervor. This week, God corrected me by bringing this Scripture to mind: "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" James 5:16
How is prayer effective? When we pray according to God's will. How do we know God's will? It is clearly stated in many ways throughout Scripture. I have read various books by spiritual teachers I very much respect who often suggest praying only Scripture and asking God to fulfill his promises, His will. We don't need to invent anything in prayer. We don't need to come up with things we think God should do. It's all laid out for us in His Word. Well, how do I know if my prayer is fervent enough? I think we know the difference between praying with conviction, faith and passion and praying out of obligation. I have seen mountains move when I have prayed from a place of desperation and groaning. And, a righteous man, person, is simply someone who is in Christ, the only Righteous One. God calls us righteous who have received the blood sacrifice of Christ as our payment to God for our sin. God hears me and responds because I am Christ's. Does God not hear the cries of everyone? Certainly He does. God searches the hearts and answers prayers of those who do not even know Him, yet, because they are sincerely crying out for help and because He wants all people to come to Him. But those of us who have received the redemption of Christ's blood have a place of partnership with God in prayer. God answers prayers of humanity; God MOVES on the prayers of the righteous.
I have been re-encouraged in the place of prayer after talking with Ryan. I am writing to stir that same fervent desire in the bosom of you who are reading this-- whether you know you have a personal relationship with Christ and the Father or whether you just believe that there is a God and He loves you. If you are one who believes in God, but doesn't get the whole Jesus thing, I invite you to ask. There is a position for you in God's Kingdom that you don't even know about yet that is better than living where you are and still wondering. I asked and made the choice 9 years ago. The difference is like night and day.

Let's pray my friends!

Perplexingness

I am in a state of perplexion that I think I am finally coming to peace with, if one can be at peace with things that are not so cut-and-dried. Perhaps many of you out there are completely comfortable with ambiguity. I know some that thrive in undefined territory, but I have never been one of those people. I still don't like it, but I am learning to accept it.
I am going to a new church.
This has been perplexing to me.
After spending 3 months at Church in the City, a church that I believed God had designed just for me, I realized that I was insanely bored and was having an impossible time making friends. And it wasn't for lack of trying. I have no problem asking people if they want to hang out or what have you, but although I was surrounded by all kinds of different people, it did not include anyone in my peer group. In the past, this has not been important for me, but after spending 2 years in the DR with people my age I realized how needful I really am. So, without any fanfare or goodbyes, I silently left the Messianic-Hispanic-Inner City church and moved on.
The first church I visited was one that is well-known to the underground of Denver. It is held in an old artist's house-- all the walls are painted crazy colors and there is a huge mural of a skull on the wall. People are milling about outside smoking cigarettes, waiting for the service to start. Inside, I would like to say I found all walks of life, but mostly it's the young, white, dred-locked, tatooed and pierced crowd ( I have both tatoos and piercings, so don't get the idea that I'm uppity about this). The church boldly proclaims that their mission is to reach the outcasts of society. My overwhelming sense of the whole night was that they have made themselves a comfy place for people to come hang out, but I didn't see much evidence of transformed lives. I understand that we are all at different stages in our walks with God, but I had to wonder after hearing the pastor use a cuss word 3 times in a 6 minute period, if they were really reaching anyone with the gospel message. When we look like the world, why should the world want to change? I ask that God move in that church and that His Spirit be present, bringing abundant blessing, but it isn't for me.
So, after much thinking (prayer?) I decided to check out a church I had found online when I was researching churches back in October, when I was still in the 'if' stages about coming to Denver. I was drawn to this church's website because it was intelligent, informative, straightforward and obviously made up of college and career-aged folk. It is non-denominational, but founded in Reformist theology. I have not done all my homework regarding the Reformation and all it entails, but I do know that I have not always seen eye-to-eye with some of their doctrine. Which is why I was surprised I was interested in going. Which is why I resisted going. Which is why I'm surprised I'm going now and, so far, am loving it. This is where the perplexion, perplexity, perplexicacity comes in. For the last 4 Sundays, I have heard the meatiest, most solid preaching I have heard since I was at IHOP. I feel like I get to meet Jesus all over again, in deeper ways. This pastor can hold my attention the entire time he's talking and if you were to sit and have lunch with me, I'd be able to recount to you every sermon of his I've heard from start to finish. It's that good. Also, they offer communion EVERY WEEK!!! After going to churches that seem to want to forget about this holy sacrament (save the Cambria Vineyard that at least does it once a month), I am like the deer that pants for the water in a dry and weary land. I can't get enough. I have been so hungry and thirsty for the Word and for communion!! I had no idea!! Jesus meets with me every week and I just cry. I am also surrounded by a bunch of young adults who I have little in common with, but who all love Jesus and who strive to be disciples. After my first Sunday there, I decided to jump into their pre-service, 8 week 'Gospel class' just so I could meet people. This sweet little group had an Easter lunch at one of their homes and I went. Three newly graduated Engineering students, one girl getting her degree in Physical Therapy and me. It felt so random and it was.
I guess my biggest 'struggle' is that I don't feel like I fit into any kind of church community-- at least not one that I have found here. I feel mostly myself and most comfortable when I'm hanging out with the people I've met at the ice rink. None of them are Christians and yet I'd rather hang out with them all week. It's not like I'm ashamed of my love affair with Jesus, it's just that it seems that people who don't know what it's like to have a love affair with Jesus just accept me as I am, whereas the people I'm meeting who want to walk with Jesus and be like him totally don't get me.
I think Jesus felt this tension.
People who know they are sinners and aren't trying to hide that fact are attractive. They are real and fun to hang out with. Jesus hung out with all kinds of people. But, he didn't just hang out. He brought them the gospel message, too. He healed them, loved them, preached to them. So, even though he enjoyed his time with them, He wanted them to be transformed by His love. This is how I feel with all of my ice skating friends and people I meet at work. I accept them as they are, but I don't want them to stay that way. I want them to encounter God's healing love. Jesus also loved hanging out with His disciples and He really wanted them to 'get' Him, but most of the time, they didn't. He expressed both frustration and loneliness over this.
I don't know. Something has changed in me since I've moved to Denver. I want to be able to make sense of it all, but I can't. Can you? Can someone tell me what's going on? Haha.
www.fellowshipdenver.org
Good preaching.