Sobering Up

I'm fasting from coffee. I'm not gonna lie, it really sucks.  Don't get me wrong, when God asks me to fast from something I get filled with this tangible expectation of Him doing something wonderful because of it.  But coffee?? I'm not a pot-a-day drinker like some people I know.  I just like to have a tall, piping hot cup in the morning while I have my devotional time with God. Sometimes I like a little 'pick-me-up' in the afternoon, too.  So, when God nudged me to get off coffee for a while I didn't think it would be too big of a deal.

It's a big deal.

The first few days were the worst, physically, as I endured migraine-level headaches that no amount of medicine could take away.  After that passed, it was the struggle of wanting something warm and creamy instead of something hot and watery (tea).  After a couple weeks of tea drinkin', I just gave up having a morning beverage, except for the occasional hot chocolate (which isn't too exciting if you use Dominican Cocoa).  The physical cravings for it have ceased.  The emotional cravings persist.  I find myself being envious in the mornings when my roommates are happily sipping away on their joe.  And last night at Bible Study, I had to control the urge to knock a cup of coffee out of Ruth's hand.  I don't even drink coffee at night!  What is the issue?  As I've shared with several people that I'm fasting coffee, I've had intense reactions from other coffee drinkers that (1) help me not feel so alone and (2) scare the **** out of me.  One friend even said that Jesus asking one to fast coffee is like having Jesus ask you to drain all the blood out of your body.

Everyday, I tell God that I hope he's going to use this time for incredible breakthrough in my life.  It's a two month fast that, ironically (?) ends on Easter Sunday.  And, no, I'm not doing it for Lent-- I started it before I even remembered about Lent-- but I like the idea of Lent.

Have I noticed a change in my intimacy with God because of this fast?  Actually, yes, though I didn't make the connection until now.  I have become much more whiny, much more desperate, and much more dependent.  I have also become much more sensitive to the Spirit and stronger in my walk with Him.  Taking away something that I depended on to help me enter into my day has caused me to become more in touch with my fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, insecurities and longings.  I still long for that coping element, that numbing element, that soothing element that I can control and take whenever I want, but I feel the trade-off is worth it.  I want coffee to be something I can enjoy with God, not something I need to get through my day.  I don't want coffee to become the substitute to God's very real presence in my life.   I am looking forward to April 13th, when I can have my first cup of coffee, but I have a feeling that the lust will have gone out of it for me and that is a blessing.

A Step in the Right Direction

Today my good friend Arlene invited me to come over and make stepping stones with her.  Though I've stepped on my fair share of these garden adornments, I've never actually made one.  Arlene, being her awesome self, went around town and bought some gravel, some sand, some cement, and some diesel fuel (to line our containers so that the cement mix wouldn't stick).  We proportioned out the ingredients and hand mixed our own 'stuff', including a bit of blue dye to make the stones a little better looking.  Arlene sawed off the ends of a plastic bucket to use for our molds-- we hope they turn out okay.  These 'stones' will become a pathway leading up to our new social work site in Los Higos that Arlene leads.  The feet of women and youth on their way to knitting class or sewing class will pass over these little pieces of art.  Mine says: I am the Way.  Here are some photos: