I carry you

5 of my friends and I just spent an entire week at the beach.  We rented two condos right on the sands of Cabarete.  We cooked together, got sunburned together, took naps, read books.  It was wonderful (despite the fact I was still fighting the bacteria blues).  We ended our week at an annual staff retreat at Hacienda Lifestyles Resort just an hour down the road in Puerta Plata.  My yellow plastic 'bracelet' allowed me to eat or drink all I could (sadly, my battle-weary stomach didn't allow for much), plus access to their 5 pools, and the beach.  The best moments were watching one of my Dominican nieces (Priscila) swim for the first time, the other niece, Ysmayar, swim toward me, learning how to bring her head up and breathe, and watching Natan, my nephew, dunk his head under water for 2 seconds over and over again.  Amazing.

I don't have kids of my own.  I want some-- very badly, but God hasn't allowed that to happen, yet.  But, He gives me other kids.  Lots of other kids and today was a day of saying my last goodbyes to some of them.  I didn't cry in their presence, but I bawled as I drove my roommate's Jeep out of El Callejon for the last time.  I hate this.  No amount of money in the world is worth the same as when a little girl of 10 whose mom has cancer and who is helping her older sister to take care of her little brother look up at me in the eyes and say, "I'm never, never, never going to forget you."  I was struck today by just how much loneliness is the greatest poverty.  Relationships are food for our souls.  Families are what keep us alive, even if we don't have a roof over our heads.  There is something innate in humans that needs other humans.  Even God said, "It is not good for man to be alone."  

He wasn't talking about just men (as much as women like to joke that this is true).  Humans need each other-- not just to survive (look at Nebudchadnezzar) but to maintain our 'humanness'.  I saw in this little girl's eyes a sadness of knowing that the place that I filled in her heart would not be filled by another.  She, as well as I, will both experience a loss that is greater than the loss of any material thing.  I will never again be able to rejoice with her over her good grades.  I will never again feel her sneaking up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist for an extended embrace.  I will never again see her pushing other kids off me so she can have me all to herself.  I am not saying I am her world.  What I'm saying is that we each make a difference when we extend ourselves and give of ourselves.  We can give things and it helps a little, but when we give of our time, our hearts, our listening ears, our shoulder to cry on-- when we give a relationship, it changes lives forever.  S

he and I have become one in a sense.  I have become part of her story and she has become part of mine.  I cannot change her circumstances, but I can leave behind an imprint of love and acceptance that she will 'never, never, never forget."

El Callejon:   "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it"  e.e. cummings