Refresh Me

The last two days have been really hard for me-- hitting a wall of depression that is a mix of crazy grief missing the DR and all it held for me, feeling out of place where I am, and a general malaise of the emptiness that comes from not knowing where you're headed.  Everyone keeps telling me to 'rest', but to rest the soul is much more challenging than resting the body.

After having breakfast with a loving friend this morning, I was invited by some other friends to go on a ride out to See Canyon to go buy apples.  Hmm, go on a long drive through beautiful country, letting the ocean breeze whip through my hair as I breathe deeply the spicy scents of scrub oak, eucalyptus and fresh orchard apples, or sit at home and mope.  I went for the windy road adventure.  As I sat in the back seat and let the conversations of others mill around my head, I silently put my mind and soul on cruise control.  Meanwhile, my spirit prayed.  God, I love you and I just want to feel you close.  God, I'm scared and I need you.  God, I miss my friends.  God, thank you for making me the apple of your eye and for caring about me even like this.  God, thank you for all this beauty.  God...

After a few hours I felt a bit of the heaviness lift.  My migraine went away.  Instead of taking a nap, I am blogging.

Today my soul, echoing the Shulamite, cried out to God, "Refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick!"

He answered me.