The King's Table

Back in January, our church hosted a group of prophetically-inclined brethren from a church near Chicago. It was an awesome few days of fantastic teaching and personal ministry. During the first night, one of the women on the team pointed at me and started sharing some spot-on things about who God has made me to be. It was very encouraging. After affirming by spiritual personality, so to speak, she shared something that I also felt comforting: that God was going to start bringing together all the seemingly random bits of my call together to form a tapestry that would finally make sense to me. I have never made sense to myself, which is one of my hugest struggles in life. All of my strengths, talents and gifts seem to not really go together, or rather, God seems to highlight certain ones at certain times while the others take a break. It's often quite frustrating for me. Upon hearing the promise of clarity that night, I relaxed a bit, knowing that God would soon bring some kind of grand revelation.
I'm still waiting.
As I contemplated the idea of writing an update here, images of my life started spinning around my mind like a lazy Susan. Should I write about the corn, the salsa, the mashed potatoes, the meatloaf, the mint chutney or the blackberry cobbler? There are so many little things going on, each one so incredibly flavorful in its own right, yet each one feeling incomplete on its own. I feel like God is giving me tastes of all different kinds of things, both satisfying and causing hunger. How is this possible?
This morning I woke up early to join two sisters from church to pray over a location where our church will be hosting a concert tonight. The town is celebrating its sesquicentennial (150 years) anniversary and each night of the week, a different concert is going on. The stages are being sponsored by Brugal Rum, and each night so far has been an alcoholic frenzy. On the property, which is probably a half-lot size, there are literally 8 alcohol booths, each one standing about 4 feet over from the next one. The stage itself is made up of plastic banners advertising Brugal Rum. Francisco, who I work with, is busy at work painting a huge backdrop to hang over these ads that announces God's love for the city. The church is bringing in 4 very well-known Christian Dominican music artists and some of the youth will be performing a powerful dance/drama. It is also pouring down rain. I give you this background to let you know a bit about what I am participating in here outside of work and also to share how praying over an outreach like this leaves me in the place of 'already, but not yet'. I can go with a few believers and in the name of Jesus, ask for souls to be liberated from the bondage of alcoholism and hopelessness. I can pray the tearing down of modern sacred pillars (Brugal Rum booths). I can proclaim the righteousness of God and the reign of His holiness over an area and in this way, I get a taste of the everlasting Kingdom. But, I still feel hungry. The concert hasn't happened yet. None of those who will come to the Lord tonight have yet come. Right now, someone who God plans to set free tonight is still bound. Those prayers that we prayed this morning have not yet found their release and I still carry within me that tension. I am hungry to see the outpouring of God's mercy in this place, knowing that the prayers that have gone forth in faith will bring this outpouring
And so goes the rest of my life here. As I set out to do things, whether in my quiet times with God or in ministry, I feel as though I am being both filled and poured out all at once. I feel satisfied and glad, yet starving for more. I feel I am in a perpetual state of holy angst where nothing makes sense, but all of it seems worthwhile. I like to have things orderly, set in place, confirmed and clear. There are decisions to be made that I feel I can't make because this merry-go-round of the Holy Spirit won't slow down for me to make a choice! My tendency to judge things as better, worse, more or less valuable, good or bad is being challenged to the utmost as God continues to show me that every single nook and cranny of His Kingdom has innate and eternal value. The minute before I try to set in stone something that makes sense to me, God comes and spins it all around, stopping it only when He wants it to and says, Amy, take a bite of this. And, just as I'm enjoying that bite and start to reach for another, he spins the selection around again and asks that I taste something else. They are all tasty and all nourishing, but each time I feel I'm about to be satisfied on one thing, he laughs and throws everything into a colorful whirl until I've tasted it all. Does this make any sense? If not, you know how I feel : )
And so, I'm teaching bi-monthly art classes in El Callejon to girls ages7-11; I'm painting some of my own prophetic art; I'm assisting Fran in the art school and helping some of our students make the transition from pen drawing to watercolors; Saturday nights I'm taking a discipleship class at church and am having to read huge portions of the Bible at a fairly rapid rate (in the last three weeks I've read Matthew thru Leviticus) as well as read a book in Spanish on the history of the DR and why the people are the way they are and then write a report on it (due next week); Monday nights I'm tutoring a new American teacher here with her Spanish; Monday mornings I am now prayer walking with my dear friend Elizabeth in the community where she leads a home group. So much is going on and each thing is so fulfilling to me. And yet, I know that it's for a time and a season.
I will soon have to make a decision regarding whether or not I will be staying here past my two year commitment. It is a decision I cannot make based on how well things or going or on how I feel in any given moment. I struggle because I know that whether I am here, in the States or in another country, God is there, working and I will get to partner with Him. I cannot place any kind of better/worse value on 'where' I am. If I could, it would make this decision easier. I would appreciate any prayers and/or wisdom if you feel so lead to share.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think..."