Perplexingness

I am in a state of perplexion that I think I am finally coming to peace with, if one can be at peace with things that are not so cut-and-dried. Perhaps many of you out there are completely comfortable with ambiguity. I know some that thrive in undefined territory, but I have never been one of those people. I still don't like it, but I am learning to accept it.
I am going to a new church.
This has been perplexing to me.
After spending 3 months at Church in the City, a church that I believed God had designed just for me, I realized that I was insanely bored and was having an impossible time making friends. And it wasn't for lack of trying. I have no problem asking people if they want to hang out or what have you, but although I was surrounded by all kinds of different people, it did not include anyone in my peer group. In the past, this has not been important for me, but after spending 2 years in the DR with people my age I realized how needful I really am. So, without any fanfare or goodbyes, I silently left the Messianic-Hispanic-Inner City church and moved on.
The first church I visited was one that is well-known to the underground of Denver. It is held in an old artist's house-- all the walls are painted crazy colors and there is a huge mural of a skull on the wall. People are milling about outside smoking cigarettes, waiting for the service to start. Inside, I would like to say I found all walks of life, but mostly it's the young, white, dred-locked, tatooed and pierced crowd ( I have both tatoos and piercings, so don't get the idea that I'm uppity about this). The church boldly proclaims that their mission is to reach the outcasts of society. My overwhelming sense of the whole night was that they have made themselves a comfy place for people to come hang out, but I didn't see much evidence of transformed lives. I understand that we are all at different stages in our walks with God, but I had to wonder after hearing the pastor use a cuss word 3 times in a 6 minute period, if they were really reaching anyone with the gospel message. When we look like the world, why should the world want to change? I ask that God move in that church and that His Spirit be present, bringing abundant blessing, but it isn't for me.
So, after much thinking (prayer?) I decided to check out a church I had found online when I was researching churches back in October, when I was still in the 'if' stages about coming to Denver. I was drawn to this church's website because it was intelligent, informative, straightforward and obviously made up of college and career-aged folk. It is non-denominational, but founded in Reformist theology. I have not done all my homework regarding the Reformation and all it entails, but I do know that I have not always seen eye-to-eye with some of their doctrine. Which is why I was surprised I was interested in going. Which is why I resisted going. Which is why I'm surprised I'm going now and, so far, am loving it. This is where the perplexion, perplexity, perplexicacity comes in. For the last 4 Sundays, I have heard the meatiest, most solid preaching I have heard since I was at IHOP. I feel like I get to meet Jesus all over again, in deeper ways. This pastor can hold my attention the entire time he's talking and if you were to sit and have lunch with me, I'd be able to recount to you every sermon of his I've heard from start to finish. It's that good. Also, they offer communion EVERY WEEK!!! After going to churches that seem to want to forget about this holy sacrament (save the Cambria Vineyard that at least does it once a month), I am like the deer that pants for the water in a dry and weary land. I can't get enough. I have been so hungry and thirsty for the Word and for communion!! I had no idea!! Jesus meets with me every week and I just cry. I am also surrounded by a bunch of young adults who I have little in common with, but who all love Jesus and who strive to be disciples. After my first Sunday there, I decided to jump into their pre-service, 8 week 'Gospel class' just so I could meet people. This sweet little group had an Easter lunch at one of their homes and I went. Three newly graduated Engineering students, one girl getting her degree in Physical Therapy and me. It felt so random and it was.
I guess my biggest 'struggle' is that I don't feel like I fit into any kind of church community-- at least not one that I have found here. I feel mostly myself and most comfortable when I'm hanging out with the people I've met at the ice rink. None of them are Christians and yet I'd rather hang out with them all week. It's not like I'm ashamed of my love affair with Jesus, it's just that it seems that people who don't know what it's like to have a love affair with Jesus just accept me as I am, whereas the people I'm meeting who want to walk with Jesus and be like him totally don't get me.
I think Jesus felt this tension.
People who know they are sinners and aren't trying to hide that fact are attractive. They are real and fun to hang out with. Jesus hung out with all kinds of people. But, he didn't just hang out. He brought them the gospel message, too. He healed them, loved them, preached to them. So, even though he enjoyed his time with them, He wanted them to be transformed by His love. This is how I feel with all of my ice skating friends and people I meet at work. I accept them as they are, but I don't want them to stay that way. I want them to encounter God's healing love. Jesus also loved hanging out with His disciples and He really wanted them to 'get' Him, but most of the time, they didn't. He expressed both frustration and loneliness over this.
I don't know. Something has changed in me since I've moved to Denver. I want to be able to make sense of it all, but I can't. Can you? Can someone tell me what's going on? Haha.
www.fellowshipdenver.org
Good preaching.